The Arrival

The day I got to Mexico it was late September. So when I got off the plane and was waiting in the middle of the Paseo de Reforma (Mexico's largest highway) I was in pants and a large coat with 2 backpacks sweating to death feeling like a genuine ass whole while I waited for my landlord to come and give me the keys. I did not arrive feeling like I had just opened a wonderful new chapter in my life. All I could think while I stood there waiting in the street was "What the hell have I done."

It was a huge relief when I finally got myself and all my things into the apartment and my landlord left. I am sure I sent messages to all my family and friends to let them know I had arrived safely. Then I could finally take it all in and start contemplating what I was going to do. You need to remember for various reasons I had to go to Mexico before the office was even opened. The first 2 months I had very little to do. Maybe this is the part where it will be easy to judge me. I didn't spend those first 2 months exploring my surroundings or going out on the town and making friends. Maybe some people do but believe me it's easier said than done.

No, instead I spent that time without internet not being able to stream movies or talk much to my friends. Thank God I had my xbox and could at least kill a lot of time playing Halo and Madden. See, it's easy to think you're going to arrive and have a ton of things to and that behind every door is an adventure and maybe for some people it is but for me I didn't know where to go. I didn't really feel like doing a ton of things completely on my own. I felt self conscious, like I didn't belong and everyone knows it. I was scared of being lost and ultimately anything I did left me unfulfilled and feeling lonely. All I could think was I had such a good life, minutes away from my loved ones and my familiar surroundings. I was sad and angry but mostly alone.

One thing that kept my focused during this time was my pride. I wasn't about to call everyone my job, my family, and my friends and tell them they guy who talked about moving away wants to come home after a month or two. Also there was no one else to run the office so ultimately I was there for the long haul. The original plan is I was going to be there for 3 years (I would have gone home 7 years ago with that plan)

Don't worry it's not all gloom and doom but if you talk to most expats those first months are the hardest. A lot of it is just good old fashion emotion. It's scary and you just need a while to understand your life isn't over to the contrary your about to start something new, start over in one sense and that is the thing to focus on. Eventually I started working, met my future wife and integrated into their family. It really is amazing the things you can adapt to. Today I live in a way that I never would have thought possible 10 years ago but when you have no choice you adapt, you try to have a good attitude about it and slowly but surely you get assimilated into your new life.

The loneliness will happen, the regret will happen, but I can promise you if you can find a way to stick it out you will find a way to make it work and recapture the enthusiasm you had when you wanted to go to another country in the first place.